I think, I feel, I care

I wouldn't call myself a hard core environmentalist. I dont save nature because I think it has to be saved. I wouldn't even say I protect nature!

I'd say I dont harm nature and attempt encouraging others not to harm nature either.

Thats about it.

Why?

Thats the simplest question I've answered in ages!

I love the way nature makes me feel. Simple.

The feeling one gets when the breeze caresses your untamed natural tresses; when the many stars wink in greeting while the mother moon looks at them her love glowing and illuminating the sky to a blue mankind is yet to imitate in charming perfection; when the sunrays sneakily peek through the blinds gently prodding you awake to experience the freshness life has to offer; when the sand takes in your physical weight at the beach as the waves ease your mental weight as they come in and take your troubles to a far far far away land; when standing in the balcony with the blossoms of the neighbouring tree smiling into your face scintillating your senses with their fragrance while the oh-so-light sprinkle of nature falls delicately so as to not hurt your tender skin by falling harsh; when sun smiles with a rainbow at the well-cleaned earth after powerful rains; when the butterfly you haven't seen in ages flashes its coloured wings reminding you of the existence of colours beyond black, white and grey; when your bare feet fall on the fresh soft grass carpet; when the very rat you try to chase away from your garbage turns to question you with its startlingly clear eyes as to how stupid must we be to let them enjoy the various free pleasures nature has to offer while we "enjoy" the costing comforts we created for ourselves; the feeling of content which warms the insides and glows on the outside is, at least in my opinion unparalleled.

What I have been a little afraid of is the possibility of all the above just being tucked in the corner of my brain as a distant memory. While the heart and senses long for the experience to be a daily occurence, a part and parcel of every day and night, the irrational brain forces its way through to whimper that in the name of development, all is justified only to be pushed out by the logical brain which is confident that development can happen in harmony with nature.

When all its going to take is a few smart brains and a lot of co-operation and willfull people, why not have the best of both worlds?

Easiest way: Avoid activities/products which harm the environment. Every small contribution adds to the big picture. Dream big, act small but constantly, bigger aims will be achieved!

Hey All! Been quite a while

Well, to cut a long story short I haven't been free and charged enough to type out posts. Almost a month since my last post and so many things have happened. The forever swinging emotional pendulum did its own fair share of swinging yet again. It was during one of these extreme swings, I was called insensitive.

I guess more than the comment itself, it was who said it that stung.

I guess people would call me rude or arrogant. That I'm used to now and have accepted it for most of the part. As long as my manners know how to behave in front of whom, I'm cool with it

Coming back to the comment, I can only guess that the cause of that comment would be that I had pushed a matter important to the person who passed the comment to the back of my mind because I had other things to focus on such as my exams, a few issues with friends and my own bit of nervousness about my future. Further, I've learnt one thing about myself in the past few years and that is that my physical health is in a deep and ever-lasting relationship with my emotional/mental health. The minute the latter suffers a low, the former buries itself live.

Sounds selfish; even to myself. On the other hand, if I do forever put their needs in front of mine, how would I ever address my own? Haven't I been doing it you ask? Indeed I have. Can't I continue? That I'm afraid would take a toll. Perhaps I still could continue if I at least feel that small amount of satisfaction I used to feel when helping out. Lately, that satisfaction is being replaced by a more vile emotion thanks to the various other comments the concerned person has passed which havent been forgotten despite my best efforts. Wicked brain I've got which has a knack of sharpening the daggers when weak. In such a scenario, talking it out would seem like the best option but strangely the concerned person wishes for me to trust them in whole when I can feel the dagger prick my neck. Sorry, past record doesn't rule the head nor the heart here I'm open to have a long chat about it all but lack the motivation for the same. More so since I have neither seen my opinion to have any weightage nor have I seen a difference despite it being promised during the other talks.

I guess this issue too, boils down to the point that we are all different people, still trying to catch hold of that one common chord to pull us together and till then we keep pulling all the wrong strings

I'm just hoping that the right chord is found soon before all strings break

1) Some one with whom you really can share everything
2) Some one to blabber everything you have in your head to and hope they make sense of it
3) Some one to keep your stuff safe when you cant manage it.
4) Some one whom you can call up any time of the day/night and still expect them to pick it up and yap and more often than not manage to do so successfully
5) Some one who gives you company when you have the wildest ideas and want to go ahead implementing it
6) Some one to share your secrets with to ensure that you make many more together
7) Some one to dream together with so that you could remind the other one of the many dreams they still have to fulfill
8) Some one you can count on irrespective of how reckless/volatile/senile you may become temporarily
9) Some one who makes you grin no matter how serious the situation is
10)Some one who gives you your space while keeping an eye out for you
11)Some one you can remind that they are on a diet and gladly be of help to munch their chocolate/softy so that no food goes to waste
12)Some one with whom you create memories to cherish and laugh and pull your mood up any time you feel low
13)Some one whom your mom hates more so coz of the phone bill
14)Some one who reminds you of your phone number when you forget and anything else you might have forgotten
15)Some one who points out a very different view of the same issue
16)Some one you know you can talk to about anything and whether they really understand or not, they would store it in memory for future referencing.
17)Some one with whom you can laugh your head off thinking about the crazy things/conversations you have had together
18)Some one who is with you no matter what
19)Some one who reminds you that you need a break
20)Some one who boosts your ego

This is my list! Whats yours?

PS-Im super glad to have found my best friend "Ketchup" and Im super proud of her, our friendship and the crazy stuff we end up doing

I'm not sure what to call it- fad? trend? phenomena?

The weightage given to weight. Thats what I'm talking about. I didnt have to think much about this topic at all. Almost everyone around me is concerned about their (and some my) weight.

Yes yes I can hear my own big brother's guffaw considering i almost constantly nag him to go and lose some weight.

The top reasons I have heard about are as follows:

- To look good boost one's own morale
- some to capture/hold attention of someone they like
- To take care of their health

Of the above, the first and last reasons I felt are sensible and are the reasons i repeatedly bug my brother to go get the flab off; i guess the fact that he looked much better when slimmer does influence or the fact that there just might be an element of the second reason)

My mom is permanently concerned about my weight, which at least in my opinion does not succumb to any of the stated reasons. Sadly she isn't the only one.

I dont quite get why people think I've lost weight when the weighing scales say the same weight they have been for over 2 years now! Nor do I understand how its to affect them. I do nothing to alter my weight. I still hog on chocolates and ice-creams,my monthly quota of junk remains constant, no difference in activity levels/food intake. Then how?! Worse still they dont accept it when I tell them so!

On a more general positive note, I guess this "thing" (for lack of a better word) has benefited mankind in general. Health drink companies making money out of their "keeps you full and is equivalent to the nutrition of a meal" * Note the weasel word:meal not a proper nutritious meal. Gym business going great guns. The media has an instant topic to hype when all else fails. Nutritionists back in demand. People taking an interest in their looks is resulting in most people looking good which lifts up anyone's mood. Perhaps people are indeed becoming healthier too.

On the other hand, this fancy for being super slim or "zero-size" is taking a toll on people, creating a prejudice against those on the heavier side which affects people in all spheres-personal and professional in particular which consequently leads to rise in depression which kick starts another cycle of negativity.

This would bring it to the grey area again. With the right approach its good and with the wrong one its having an adverse effect.

Whats the right approach you ask? My opinion, decide what motivates you. Keep that as the treat. More importantly dont look at it as a burden or compulsion. The negativity would counter your efforts. Instead, keep your thoughts positive which would make you feel light and energetic which, in turn would get you moving

62 years since India started ruling herself after a not-so-brief hiatus.(I wonder why many forget before we had foreigners on our land, we were ours.)

Anyways, this morning as I woke up I was reminded of something my english lecturer in College (Mr. Kennedy) had questioned. It was a question which had struck me as well, just one that I hadnt pondered much about. What better timing could I have than this day?

The question- "What do you define as independence?"

One question which opens Pandora's box.

Is it only political independence/freedom thats counted so?

If thats the case, then yes I agree we are our own country.

Thinking a little deeper, one would realise what makes a country is its people and what defines the people are their thoughts. If those thoughts are highly influenced by another country's ideals/way of life, do we still hold the right to call ourselves independant?

Then comes the next question- "what do we define as Indian?"

Are we to be pulled down by the mystic east image of a land of snake charmers? Or should we own up to being one of the fastest growing economies? Or both?

Sounds simple to say both.

Truth be told, Im utterly confused about the concept. The entire world is one place now. The thoughts are global, the economies are global, the feelings are global, the people are global, every thing of importance is global. Such being the situation is there something we can define as an individualistic nationality? Or does it boil down to the nation being your place of birth/origin?

I don't know.

What I do know is I am proud of India, its growth, its people, its charm, its energy and more importantly, its confidence

Heres wishing India and every one associated with India in any way, a very Proud and Happy Independence Day. May the country continue its upward swing with all its vigour.

Year 2009 seems to be pretty good for me so far.
Actually, not only for me but for everything I stand for.

The latest bit of good news coming in the form of the highest number of women representatives in the Indian Parliament since Indian Independence in 1947. A lovely and promising first step.

However, there is something which is, at least in my opinion, significantly more important than the number. That something is how serious will these ladies be taken. Would their opinion be respected?

The reason of my saying so are reports (unfortunately I have no proof of validity of the reports) which state that more often than not many men push their respective wife to the forefront and use them as puppets to do what they wish to do.I wish I could confidently believe this to be false.

I would personally call it a victory even if there is only one woman representative in the parliament but that one woman is respected for her views, her standing and for her being a woman.

All I can do now is wait and watch if the Parliament would actually behave in a parliamentary fashion.

I'm elated to have read today that the Government of India intends to have a slum free India by 2012. Here are a few questions I am trying to think of answers to, to see how I can, how we can contribute to ensuring this project is completed. Also to see what are the complexities we can go around and how.

Some facts before the questions:
-the government has allocated roughly 3900+ crores while estimated construction cost of rehabilitation is approximately 3600+ crores.
-Several schemes,trusts,funds have been initiated since 1970s.
-The movement began around 1956.

Now the questions and some thoughts-
1. Many of the slum people themselves are not very willing to move out

2. Even if the slum people are willing to move, there is a ques of the time period required to construct the promised apartments

3. will the apartments actually increase the standard of living?

4. how will people much below poverty level maintain apartments?

5. with current high real estate prices (its rising) the question of using such land for this purpose seems unrealistic against alternate uses of land.

6. Inspite of 10% residential land allocated to this project, how well will the middle and upper class react if they had a complex of "slum people" live next door in apartments?

7. the chances of much of the money remaining unutilised or misused like in the case of education fund is high

8.though India now has more land thanks to the droughts which have dried up a vast number of lakes and rivers, this land can not be used for construction purposes. Agriculture is also ruled out if the monsoons continue to be sparce.Afforestation sounds like an answer but the long time involved in it and the possibility of the climate picking up later lessens it in its ranking as the best use of such land.

9. The limited time frame of 3 years may be an extremely difficult aim to achieve. However it emphasises the concern that this project has been around a bit tooooo long and needs quick, efficient action to be wound up.

10. How long will this project sustain? or would it be like most SHG which fix the prob but not maintain in good condition later leading to a vicious cycle of poverty and the slum concept?

11. We know most of the causes and the facts. What can be done by the govt/people to change/remedy the situation?What would be the optimal solution?

12. There is also a matter of people feeling that they are being "evicted" from their slums-their areas..for many its a matter of history with the place. How do we deal with it?

For the rest of the post, Im copying a long chat I had with a friend of mine on the issue with his permission

Sriram Murali: hmm.. fair questions there. imo if the govt is really concerned about the people under consideration, any kind of development should be inclusive and the population must be a self sustained one. efforts must be made on that front rather than keeping infrastructure the prima facie issue.As for not wanting to move out - a few reasons i could think of would be near to nil cost of land/rent, access to livelihood(like in case of fisherfolk). so identifying the specific issue in a micro environment is the key to solving issue #1. solutions i have a few in mind but a one stop solution wouldn't work for all

Snk: wat solutions do u have in mind?

Sriram Murali: 2. Time is not really a factor if you consider 3 years. Quite possible for relocational infrastructure to be built within 3 years

Snk: and where would the people be placed during construction time?

Sriram Murali: solutions - educating them about an alternative source of income, in case of people not wanting to switch due to a host of reasons they might have looking into other avenues to make the source more viable under the new conditions.

Snk: agreed. this is where education comes into play. you'd also have to consider not only them but the people who employ them..as far as i can remember, only 6 in my class of 55 including me were willing to clean our own washrooms! Middle/higher income families have increasingly grown dependent on the services provided by those in these slum areas.An alternate source of income which they can not only perform but also be accepted is the doubt- how flexible are we as middle income ppl?

Sriram Murali: well, i do agree with the history part of it but the change in that part of things should come from self. all that an external stimulus can do is to show that more than the history, a better avenue exists if they move out of there. "we have been here for 10 generations now, haven't had much improvement in life or education fronts, if we make this change our children might have better openings to education(as an example). so i would gladly trade in my history for my children' future" this change must come from them

Snk: this project had been launched in 1956 and has several funds,trusts,schemes initiated since the 1970's.. the slums are being talked to.. how much of a change can one see now? Im not saying its impossible but clearly only the talking isnt working..

Sriram Murali: change - change of mindset

Snk: There has got to be some other way to fix the rut..
Snk: Im referring to change of mindset only

Sriram Murali: I am totally against manual scavenging for that matter. as for people not being ready to clean the washrooms they use, my stand is "education is not only for the so called economically deprived but also for the other end of the spectrum too"

Snk: exactly and i didnt mean only manual scavenging but even domestic help

Sriram Murali: as for domestic help, it is not really a straight forward issue like others. not that it is impossible to sort things out, but just that things run a level more deep

Snk: thats known..my question is what can we start doing?

Sriram Murali: hmm.. does it not vary with each case, but the bottom line is identify the specific issues and micro manage them for the people, to start with. once the smaller bricks are in place, others should be fine

Snk: the issues have been identified havent they?

Sriram Murali: thought you were talking in s about domestic help.

Snk: no..those ques are the specific issues dealing with the slum people in general.the domestic help is one of their biggest source of revenue apart from fishing and perhaps veg/fruits/flower selling to the best of my knowledge

Sriram Murali: hmm.. i can't really say anything unless i get to interact with them. There are exceptions though

Snk: exceptions to?

Sriram Murali: domestic help being the major source of income, domestic helpers being from slums. Exception 1 being, the prevalence of domestic help is not wide spread to account for it being a major source(what % of people employ domestic helps if you consider TN and outside chennai, and even within chennai if you move to the outskirts i don't see a high %)
exception 2 is a specific case from what i see at my place, the domestic help at my place is affluent enough to educate her kids at a CBSE institution)but the second is not gonna count a lot in terms of numbers so you could ignore it for now

Snk: i was thinking so..to take it a small step further.Many of these people give their children education, a lot of trusts help them out too.. but iv seen more than a few of the kids not interested in it.. accepted iv seen some extremely enthusiastic,confident and smart children belonging to the sector as well..most go to govt schools most of which are by no means the best.. what i cant place is how the 1200crores left with the govt collected by way of education cess remains unused. Why hasnt it been used to upgrade these schools which really need upgrades?

Sriram Murali: yes, the alienation from education can be nullified only if the rotten apple in the lot is moved to somewhere else

Snk: the prob is one rotten apple in the basket soon rots the others.. enough not to be able to distinguish one from the other.the blame game is easy to play here.. so who is held accountable?

Sriram Murali:In my opinion, we are more accountable than anyone else

Snk: how so? I agree abt the idea if bribes werent paid/encouraged,it wouldnt have happened so..

Sriram Murali: that's true in a sense. but how long could we afford to be slow

Snk: not long..which is why im thinking what can be done..for which we will have to figure what has to be done and how..

Sriram Murali: as for the blame, does the constitution mandate us(The so called educated and the grads of the Crème de la crème) not to stand for the rights and not to vote for the right person ? change has to come from "us" too.

Snk: we are drifting off the main issue

Sriram Murali: thought this would come up.

Snk: If i remember right a week ago in some magazine at college i read that this election showed one of the highest number of ppl at elections nd that people have become more questioning of the govt, its accountability and transparency..so in that aspect theres some progress..change wont happen over night..once the movement is on..theres only one way forward..

Sriram Murali: precisely

Snk: when we look at the ten ques.. which ones can be dealt with?

Sriram Murali: In my opinion, if we are talking about starting off right now, 1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 10 are doable in a phased manner

Snk: hmm..first one i guess with genuine concern, we could somehow convince them..wait a sec theres a hitch there too

Sriram Murali: 5 is not really a big issue under the assumption(and to an extent the fact) the availability of lands is not all that low(unless if you take an example of chennai and want land/apartments in adyar/mambalam etc)what's the hitch?

Snk: they have heard these empty promises earlier.. how can one earn their trust to get them to believe what we, who have the luxuries of life, say about their situation?

Sriram Murali: my stand on this - no, i won't say of any luxuries of life right now. if you are willing to move out of the place, you have openings elsewhere, plus i am not gonna give anything to you per se but for my guidance on how to get things done. it is you who's gonna develop the entire population in a self sustained manner. helps in more ways than one imo, 1. you know better about the problems of your own people than me, an outsider 2. gives them a feeling of standing upon their own legs and rising up the ladder 3. if things so badly need it, micro credit could play a role.as for the 'other interfering factors' there is always the need for muscle power which i can't assure of (A/N: It had skipped my notice then but now i question if there could be a less violent yet efficient way of tackling the interfering factors)

Snk: for you to be able to tell all this to them, they have to listen to you, believ you, trust you.how will u manage that? Their trust in the affluent- not all, majority- is pretty much broken by the many broken promises

Sriram Murali: How about starting with a small subset of the population who you know and interact with a lot and help them out with things, be it micro credit or anything else to get them moving. once they are up the ladder they would educate their peers on this issue and we don't really have to do the work of getting the message across. addendum if a peer who has benefitted is talking worthy of something the message would reach better than any other mode of communication

Snk: smart..this would mean that there is a lot of work with us, the affluent to let go of gripping greeds and try to redirect funds..

Sriram Murali: totally

Snkhilanthropy being the concept..from concept its got to move to religion.

Sriram Murali: if i could quote manu, 1/16th of earning has to go towards helping others out.as a matter of fact religion always lays down rules for one to be inclusive in growth, just that people conveniently ignore it

Snk: sadly iv noticed many are willing to put in their brains and physical labour but not financially. many have the intention and do it. So the idea is to locate such people and stir things up

And thats where conversation with respect to this topic ended. I hope I get more inputs as comments as how to stir things up and how we can do and not talk.

Thanks to Tanya for letting me read the article!
Thanks to Sriram for the chat!
Thanks to you guys who have actually read through the whole post and posting your own views and comments!

I wish I weren't right.

Quite contradictory to my usual nature of feeling pleased when Im right about something (which is almost always except when it comes to examinations )

I have always hurt deeply where children are hurt or subject to things they neednt know about it.

I guess you could figure how hurt Id feel every time I hear/read/think about child abuse. The few things which used to swirl in my mind was how any one could take advantage of the child's pure innocence, how could any one be so consumed to perform such an act, the guilt the child may grow up with, the fear instilled in the child, the possible lack of family support etc. Not a very positive picture I know but neither is the situation.

I have seen several children who have been subject to physical abuse and have felt bad about it, given them all the love i have and supported them and got the right kind of people to talk to the abuser and as far as i know, its definitely reduced and im pretty sure that sooner or later it will stop.

What I hadn't expected in such close proximity to me, to happen to a child iv seen growing past 2 years is sexual abuse. I wish I could say since no physical harm came to the child because of what was done to it,it isn't a serious issue. Fortunately or unfortunately i have enough sense to know that when it comes to this issue, the psychological harm is more severe and tougher to identify.

To see all those questions which had been playing in my mind come to reality was a far more crushing experience than my wildest imagination. Its left me in a state of shock and despair but none which could be called paralysing. Yet, its still running in my mind, over and over again. Im not able to express myself clearly when it comes to what Im feeling right now.

Im lost.

I wish she didnt have to go through it.

I wish I could do something more than offering the kid all the support I can without making it feel odd/guilty.

I wish I weren't right about the impact an incident like this could have on the child.

I wish, for once let me have been wrong.

On the same 7 hour trip I had mentioned in the previous post, I had spent over an hour watching the setting sun actually set behind the curtain of clouds.

I neednt say it was beautiful and captivating.

The curtain of clouds I have to say added to the beauty. In reality, I had mistaken the vast expanse of clouds to be a lake with the reflection of the sunset. Truly I had been decieved by nature. It was only when I recollected that there were no lakes this route did I realise my folly.Nature humbling us to think that the nature many of us have taken for granted can outsmart you in less than a minute.

A cloud, its so fickle. It doesnt exist in solid form yet from a distance, we believe it does.Nature asking- how many times do we,people do that with other things in our life?

The clouds divided the sunset into 2 bits. From above the clouds there was light- bright and yellow (not golden)From below there was darker light a sort of crimson red expanding. Nature reminding us of two sides of a coin perhaps? Everything has its positives and negatives, its dark side and the lighter side.

The gaps in the clouds giving a sneak peek into the light sky reminded me of the world beyond. I dont know if I believe in the concept but it definitely struck me. Im always surprised as to how small we humans would look if the clouds could see. We make such a small part of Earth and yet make so much noise about it?

Another thing which struck me was how close the sun and the clouds seemed. The sun which symbolises heat and light and the clouds which represent coolness and shade were there complimenting each other. Why cant we humans manage to co-exist with people who seem so different from ourselves?

Apart from that those thoughts, I spent more than half an hour doing one of my favourite childhood pass times of making people and objects out of clouds and telling myself a story with the people and objects I found in the sky. Much fun it was and i cant wait to do it again!

PS- Im not sure if these thoughts were a result of some philosophical side of me which im yet to acknowledge or out of boredom! Whatever the case, the thoughts made sense and proved to occupy quite a lot of my time

A week ago I went on a 7hour bus ride and simply wasn't in the mood to read and resorted to staring out the window.

There were some images i saw which made me think. A lot.

One such image was that of 2 trees, less than 500m apart in physical distance but different in every way. Tree1 was barren, standing alone without a bush for company,high against the setting sun. There was some kind of melancholy to it yet it looked beautiful and light. Tree2 was lush; filled with green leaves, with little fat bushes gathered at its base. It looked happy but heavy.

What struck me about the image was how close the two trees were but so very different. I couldnt quite reason how thats possible except for that maybe they were 2 different species of trees. The close distance rules out any chances of soil change or heat or water recieved.

I dont know why but the sight made me relate to the 2 trees as people.Tree1 i looked as a person without a family or many friends but a fantastic career.Tree2 I saw it as a person with a big family,plenty of friends but a halted career.I guess my brain had related the tree's leaves as family which undeniably give a person their happiness, the bushes as friends which stand by our side all along making life seem fuller,the height of the tree as the graph of the person's career and the aura around it (light/heavy) as the responsibilities the package brought with it.

At first glance,I wasnt able to decide which of the 2 trees I liked better. I really couldnt. I loved the fullness of Tree2 but adored the height of Tree1. Undeniably Tree1 had me in awe. It struck me as strong but weathered. The height was fascinating but as i looked at the tip of the tree longer, I couldnt help feeling as though the tip was lost and disconnected.Tree2 brought a smile to my face. Its fullness, its usefulness(a lot of shade it could provide), its freshness. There was almost a sense of comfort i could associate with the tree.What haunted me was the relatively stilted height.

When I connected all my thoughts to my relating the trees to persons, I confess I had a pretty deep, even if confused, insight to myself.

The logic seemed to me to be acceptable worldwide with a few exceptions.
Tree1Persons with family and friends(provided they are all happy) are happier, fresh but loaded with responsibility. Also, a person loving their family would invariably divide their time between family and career and would despite their best efforts fall short in either of the 2 areas.
Tree2Persons living alone with neither family nor friends are bound to feel lonely at some time or the other which brought with it the look of melancholy. However with no other interest,its possible that the career graph takes an upturn which brings the person the beauty and admiration.

After much thought and consideration I decided I'd any day be like Tree1 which had both

Which one would you be?