I think, I feel, I care

She will do it.

Everytime.

Don’t worry. She will do it.

Taken for granted. Definitely.

“of course not! Why do misunderstand us believing you would be there for us as us taking you for granted?” comes the prompt retort when we point out that we are taken for granted.

And for those who got stuck here. Read on. I have an answer.

Once, twice its fine. Everytime? Heck no! We, those who are taken for granted, have a life of our own and its time you let those people who take you for granted know that. we do appreciate those who depend on us and I for one do my best to ensure they can always depend on me but that does not involve allowing myself to be taken for granted. No thank you. I appreciate you depending on me and will do my best to ensure you can trust and depend on me. That does not entitle you to believe you can make my schedule and I will adhere to it. I may make you feel you are the world to me but listen up buddies, you don’t consist my entire world! I have a lot of people and I do need time for myself. Before you commit on my behalf, ask me and I promise if I can make it I will do it for you.

This I say on behalf of everyone who is taken for granted and mind being taken for granted.

Stop.
Respect our individuality.
Request. Don’t command.

Coward or Pacifist?

An easy question to ask but a difficult one to answer.

When I am in a situation where my shouting would aggravate the situation before settling the concerned issue but crop up new issues and I decide to keep quiet, am I to be called a coward for not facing the issue? Or a pacifist for preventing further issues?

If I keep quiet many may argue that the issue remains unsolved. On the other hand if I don’t keep quiet then the matter will sprout more problems. So is it better to keep one issue unsettled (for now) or to settle one issue and start another?

If I keep quiet for the moment, then the settlement of the issue is postponed and if taken up at an appropriate time, perhaps it wouldn’t result in drastic outcomes as it would if I shout in response immediately. But, what if an appropriate time doesn’t pop up thereby resulting in a warehouse of negative emotions which could destroy the relationship?

So what am I supposed to do? Keep quiet or retort?
Am I to be called a coward or a pacifist?

“Open up!”

A command often issued to me.

Sometimes, some people prefer to call me a loner and some others like to assign me the title of a snob.

Reason? They feel I don’t open up easy.

Excuse me? Its my discretion as to whom I wish to open up to and to whom I would like to remain an acquaintance. One more factor apart from my will is the other person’s behaviour. Assuming they “open up” i.e. share their feelings and all I would be more inclined to share my feelings with them. Another aspect to the other person’s behaviour is their reaction when I (assuming) take an initiative to come forth and share my feelings and thoughts. If their reaction makes me comfortable and makes me feel that “yes. I can trust this person” then most probably I would feel better and interested to share my thoughts and feelings with them. Of course, this would last as long as the person does not only react but also is proactive.

When I thought about it, I found a contradiction. I go around with this opinion. I am not one in a million and even if I am one in a million, the world’s population is FAR more than a million!! And there is every possibility that all(or at least majority) of those ‘ones’ of those ‘millions’ turn up around me and I may be losing a lot of potential good and best friends thanks to this mind frame. These people may also want me to open up first for them to feel comfortable. In my opinion there are two categories of people who don’t take the first initiative. People who fall under the first category are those who feel superior-false or real. This category tends to believe that they are superior to the rest and hence they should be trusted and people should open up to them. Some even go to the extent of thinking the others who do trust them are priveliged! The second category is the group of people who don’t trust easy. They have an inner fear that any information they may divulge would lose its secrecy and become public which would invade their privacy or be used as blackmail. And voila! I found an answer to my problem. Going step by step. First I tried to identify myself with one of the two categories and found myself to fall more into the second category. I respected my privacy a little too much including things which don’t really matter much. Then I made a mental list of those things I don’t mind people knowing about me. Then I went about taking the first step telling people stuff from my list. This way, I warmed up and the other person felt I was confiding in them and started to tell me a little about themselves. I reacted the way I would want the person to react when I confide and like that the number of friends I had greatly increased and at the end of it (well, end of my experiment you could say) I ended up feeling better and so did the people around me.

Suppose you fall under the first category, then think what attribute of yours do you think makes you feel superior. Then have a good look around and you will find that everyone has something special in them and most probably even if they don’t have what you have, they would most probably have something you don’t have. Stop thinking about your positives and evaluate your negatives. That will make you look at others’ positives rather than only their negatives. No one wants to be a friend to a person who considers themselves superior. If you are arguing that you do have friends the way you are, try changing and your number of friends and the strength of the special bond of friendship will multiply.

I would encourage everyone to open up. Identify why you don’t open up easy and then try to change accordingly. After all, what fun is life without people to share it with?

As they say, the more the merrier!!

Honesty- one virtue I stand up for has me thinking.

Is it fine to forgo the virtue (even if temporarily) for the greater good?

Yes or no?

How do we decide between temporary good and long term good?

Difficult to answer isn't it?

Ive heard people claim that a lie, if it makes anyone apart from the liar happier or in a better situation is as good as the truth since the ?purpose? of man is to make others happy.

As usual, I wish to disagree.

The reason behind it is the very same reason uttered to support the ?lie makes people happy? policy i.e. it would hurt people less. In fact, by hiding the truth the person is hurt more. The truth, though, initially harsh on your delicate ears hurting you quite a bit gives you the truth- the reality- the situation in which you live, the situation which you have to deal with and not some fairytale rosy picture.In my opinion, the lies you have heard simply hike you hope which is eventually slaughtered. Which would hurt you more then? Having your hopes falsely raised to have it crash or having dealt with reality and recovering quick to deal with the situation?

What would your answer be?

Take your time. Think, feel then decide.

If it were me, the former would have me done. I would, any day, prefer to deal with the consequences arising as a result of the truth than that of falsity.

The truth although commonly referred to as "the brutal truth" , "the harsh reality" so on and so forth need not be so if packaged nicely. I do wonder why the truth is always considered "negative" but honesty as a "positive" attribute. As pointed out by my brother, paracitamol one of the most bitter medicines created is packed in special flavored capsules for children. However, once the capsule dissolves in the throat the medicine shows it true bitter nature. At this point of time it doesn't matter because the pill is in and the medicine is out. There is nothing which can be done which can remove the medicine from the body unless you take extreme steps of vomiting or retching. Likewise, the truth, packaged nicely has to first be delivered and once the person has swallowed it, the packaging has to removed. Trust me it only sounds difficult. It really isn't.That is, if you are a gifted smooth talker. Even if not, it doesn't take much to deliver the truth gently in a positive way which would be easier for the person to take in. simple. Tell the other person the truth as you would want to hear it if you were in their situation. Sometimes before telling the bad news, you could suggest a remedy which would have the other person already prepared for the news and thus you have in fact delivered the news without actually delivering it. One popular advantage of this approach is that immediately after the inevitable out burst, the person would calm quicker and consider the remedy you put forth and start taking action as required. It works amazingly well.

I warn those who try the above approach that the initial out burst is inevitable and nothing would change that if you wish to stick to the truth.

As said by O.W.Holmes;

" Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all."

For those who are staunch believers of the power of lies and are willing to deal with the consequences of lying and for those who wish to identify liars, please check the blog of the following website-

www.iamarvindh.com

Though the website has been given, I still advise people to stick to honesty and for those who have distantly recollect having heard of the word, try practicing it buddies..
It aint so bad

Fear not when telling the truth
The truth prevails for as long as you let it

“Why do people fear death?” A question posed by a friend stuck on to my head and thus gave birth to this post, so if you want to yell then please go ahead and yell, yell at either my friend for posing the question or at me for pondering over it  the choice is yours my friend

Birth and death- Siamese twins; sides of an unbiased coin of life, call it whatever you want. The basic fact that every person born has to die is well known and well accepted as long as it is in terms of philosophy but as reality it definitely is not taken very well.

A random thought which struck me was that the fear of death can be classified into -
1. The death of a loved one or known one
2. Your own possible death

The death of a loved or known one affects most individuals mostly because of their attatchment to that particular person. And the degree of this affect is directly proportional to the extent of you knowing that person. It is very difficult to accept that someone so important, so special is no longer there to be with us, support us etc. As insensitive as it sounds the truth is that half the fear arises from the presumption that everything starts and ends with the relationship you have with that person and as often heard between lovers, you would “die without him/her”

The truth is that you wouldn’t. Nope. Not unless you decide to take your own life. If you are bent on that decision, please straighten up and think clearly- very difficult when we are emotionally charged but an attempt is a must. Think whether the person who has passed away would want you to be at your grave. Is that what they would really appreciate or would they prefer you being happy and living life? Any truly loving one would wish for their loved ones to be happy no matter what! For heaven’s sake! How did you think insurance companies thrive? Things would be different. Yes of course. It has to be but not necessarily in the negative way. Try to accept the new changes. If you cant bring yourself to do it, think again about your loved one and their desire of your well being should motivate you to accept life in a new way- in a positive way.

The possibility that we may die any moment and yet have so many things undone and unfulfilled desired frightens every mortal. It frightens those who desire more and lead a discontented life. Be happy with your every day and you are bound to notice that you no longer fear death. Easier said than done. At the end of the day, without dreams, without desires, we wouldn’t be mortals. Often, we misinterpret the fear of death with the fear of the impending effect our death would have on our loved ones. Distinguishing them is a difficult task. Perhaps, the one point which I can think of would be that for those who believe in life after death, heaven or hell have it easier as they can state an alternative reason for fear of death. The others, like me who do not believe in life after death for the dead ones have no other reason I can think of.

With my brain going “dead” (pun intended ) this post has breathed its last lest anyone tries to resurrect it by commenting